It's Friday!

And I do not have an appointment today. What am I going to do with myself? haha!

After the mishap on Wednesday, I keep looking at my IVF handbook to make sure I'm doing things right. I have double, triple checked the dosage column and I look at the book again every night before bed to make sure there isn't an appointment the next day. (As if something is going to just show up.)

It's only the first week of September, but in Minnesota, it is starting to feel like Fall already. Especially in the morning. Yesterday was the first day I wore jeans with shoes and socks in a long time. I also bought myself some new slippers.

At this point, I guess it's fair to say I was able to reclaim my summer after our botched attempt at IVF #1 back in May. We didn't go anywhere, but I still think we made the most of it. Now that Fall is approaching, I'm ready to settle in and just relax.

How NOT to Start Your New Cycle

By blowing off your first appointment. Yeah. I was supposed to go in for an ultrasound and blood work today. I thought for sure the appointment was scheduled for Friday. Oops.

Apparently this new protocol was too much for me to take in. Changing things up before we even got started. I'm going to blame it on terminology. I swear Stacie said to come in when stim starts. Oh right. Microdose Lupron is actually considered a stim. I didn't know that until today.

Good thing they called me and said you know you were supposed to be here. I figured better 2 hours late than 2 days late.

Getting to the clinic has been like dealing with mass chaos down in that part of town as it is for a few months now. Road construction, building a new ramp at the medical building, etc. Today, the temporary ramp entrance that we've been using is closed to contractors only. I head around the block not knowing if the regular entrance is going to be open. Yes, it was. "Push the button for a ticket". Crap! Do we have to pay to park now? I don't have any money. There's a guy standing out by the entrance, but he's on his phone. I hurry inside to get checked in. Figured I'd ask the receptionist what's going on with the ramp. She asked me for my ticket. It's in the car. Who brings their ramp ticket in? Today's the first day, so she gives me this access chip token thingy that you drop into a slot as you approach the arm at the exit of the ramp. Apparently they are somehow tracking ramp usage, and for now at least, you don't have to pay.

Getting home was just as much of an adventure. I get to the end of the road where you have to turn to get onto the highway. A motorcycle cop is blocking the turn lane. Crap! Now where am I supposed to go? Oh yes. The Republican National Convention is in St. Paul this week. Lovely. Maybe there was some entourage that I just missed? Navigating my way home wasn't that bad, but traffic was definitely unusually heavy for 2pm.

After all of this, I'm just glad I got it over with. The ultrasound was over before I even knew what hit me. Everything looks good, but it was too late in the day to even think about getting any blood work results back today.

I hope this is the only major SNAFU of this cycle. Good grief! I don't need to add any stress to all of this.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere There's Signs

We had Chinese take-out for dinner tonight. This is what my fortune said.



Anyone who knows me knows I'm all about signs. I should start keeping track of the little things that happen going into this cycle.

Mailing lists

How exactly do you get on a mailing list?

This is what I got in the mail today.

Great. A little bedrest reading material? I haven't shopped at BRU since about this time last year before I went to a baby shower in September. And, the mailing address had my maiden name on it. If I shopped with a credit card, it didn't have my maiden name on it.

I haven't ever been pregnant long enough to actually register myself on any websites so they couldn't have gotten my name/address that way.

How funny that this would arrive the day after our consult for IVF #2 when I'm feeling really good about the possible outcome. Might I add, this is the first time I've ever gotten one of these.

May as well look through it since it's here. What harm is there in that?!

Pulled Out a Wild Card

Today was our follow-up appointment with the RE. Not only did we get a new protocol for this next cycle, we were definitely dealt a Wild Card in the Infertility Game.

For months now my baseline day 3 FSH has been well below the level where it would be any concern. Has it been trending higher? Maybe. Numbers I have heard over the course of my treatment have included 6.8, 8.9 and 9.3. Well, this cycle, I pull a 14.3!?! What? That's crazy right? Yes. It is, but having that number documented, puts me into a new category.

I'm almost 35, you can't treat me like I'm 25. This number is proof of that! Even if I get retested and it's lower, I pulled this number "one time" and we'll have to treat me as such.

Should I be devastated by this news? Are my ovaries just too old to do this? I don't know. What I do know is that it shakes up our protocol going into this cycle. This comes as a huge relief to me. Not only are we increasing my dosage of meds, we are doing something completely different.


Welcome to the Microdose Lupron Flare Protocol. Lupron increases from 20iu once a day to 20iu twice a day and on the third day, we add in stims. The difference here is that it had been 20iu of Lupron for 12 days, and then start stims on day 13. Also, we'll be removing Menopur from the mix all together and doing a total of 450iu Follistim for at least the first 5 days, and then going back in for blood work and ultrasound to determine how to proceed.

So, in essence, we aren't completely shutting down the ovaries (or suppressing them) and then turning around and expecting them to kick it into high gear and kick out the follicles.

By going this route, everything shifts up a week. Can't complain there! Instead of yet another delay, we get to move ahead quicker.

We also asked about 3-day vs 5-day transfers. While ideally they'd like to see us get to day 5 blast transfer again, but if things aren't looking as good as they maybe could, we definitely have the option of a 3-day transfer with assisted hatching.

As for why our cycle failed, there really is no simple answer to that. So, we'll take the new information we've been given and go with it. I'm excited to be trying something new. More than just adding in higher doses of meds. Something truly different than we did before.

My renewed Hope remains!

Thoughts on Hope

As we start this new cycle, I want to flood myself with positive thoughts. Sticking with our Hope theme, here are some inspirational quotes to reflect on over the next few weeks.

When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."~Author Unknown

Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers. ~Robert Ingersoll

Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark. ~George Iles

Once you choose hope, anything's possible. ~Christopher Reeve

Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control our fears, not to oust them. ~Vincent McNabb

Love floods us with hope. ~Jareb Teague

There is nothing so well known as that we should not expect something for nothing - but we all do and call it Hope. ~Edgar Howe

You've gotta have hope. Without hope life is meaningless. Without hope life is meaning less and less. ~Author Unknown

Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier. ~Author Unknown

Hope is but the dream of those who wake. ~Matthew Prior

Hope never abandons you, you abandon it. ~George Weinberg

Hope is patience with the lamp lit. ~Tertullian

Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence. ~Lin Yutang

So many really good ways to think about Hope and what it means to different people. I already have a couple of favorites.

Looking for Answers

Next week we have our Post IVF follow-up conference with our doctor. This is also lovingly known as the “WTF Appointment” by the girls on the Nest. As in what went wrong with our IVF cycle, and what are we going to do differently this time around?

Recently there has been a surge of positive outcomes for 2nd IVFs after horrible first rounds. These stories are making me feel like maybe we too have a chance. That we’ll get more than 7 follicles, 4 mature eggs, 3 that fertilize and only 1 to transfer.

So, next week it is. We’ll be back in the office signing consent forms and getting the details of our protocol so we can order my meds and get the show on the road.

The only thing I found out ahead of time is that we are starting out by nearly doubling my medications. Makes sense to me. Not to beat a dead horse, but for IVF #1, my Menopur dose was cut in half from what I had been taking for my IUI cycles. As for the Follistim, I was on a higher dose, but going forward, it’ll be even higher.

Hope remains that I will become one of the turnaround success stories and people will be looking to see what I did differently for my successful cycle.

We’ve got our 4th anniversary and both of our birthdays coming up in the next two months. There is no possible gift better than that of a BFP and that is what we are hoping for.

*If you have been through this yourself, and have any suggestions for questions we should ask or things that we definitely should bring up, I'd appreciate hearing from you.